Lessons From Families: Real World Learning

One very considerate Golden Client I worked with was concerned that both of her girls are independent business owners and time away from their work to care for their mom would mean less income.  The family made a Golden Agreement that both daughters could be paid for their time if it meant taking time away from work.  They agreed on an amount and it’s working well for the family.

One family debated whether to invest in a downstairs bathroom for their senior years or move closer to their daughter.  After an initially contentious start, I helped the parents prioritize what they wanted in t heir senior years.  I asked their children what they were willing, and not willing, to do to support their parents.  After hearing the limitations of what the kids felt they could do to help the parents, the parents agreed it was more important to move closer to their daughter than it was to Age-In-Place at their home. 

One Golden Client very set in his ways told his kids he wouldn’t give up driving “my eyes fall out of my head and I can’t do it anymore”.  This was a rough one because his kids felt it was already overdue for him to give up his keys.  In my one on one with the Golden Client, he shared a story about a friend of his that he meets with daily for socialization along with other friends.  He told the story about how he “never wanted to be like Charlie, who has to wait for his daughter to pick him up.  That’s so awful and embarrassing for Charlie.”  During our family meeting, we talked about this priority.  The family agreed to maintain their dad’s independence, particularly among his friends, by getting him used to a ride share service on bad weather days only.  They agreed that they would not insist on being the driver for their dad, but rather, give him options through paid services. 

During an intake with a Golden Client, we listed activities that represented his independence. He valued choosing his dinner, shopping, and cooking, which tied to his sense of worthiness and pride. He missed having dinners with his young children. In our family meeting, they created a Golden Agreement to honor these activities. They scheduled bi-weekly sessions where a child helps him plan, shop, and prepare a family dinner, building new traditions in his senior years.

One savvy Golden Client was particular that her kids were not given access to her bank accounts until she could no longer pay her own bills.  The problem was that no one would know if, in fact, she was paying her bills on time without access to the accounts.  The Golden Agreement we reached was that she would give her daughter Financial Power of Attorney with limitations (set up through the Attorney) as well as a list of all her monthly bills, along with the account numbers.  They agreed to have lunch together once a month to review the bills and make sure there was no fraud, bills were paid on time, and to allow the daughter to help, when needed, with online banking reviews.